|
|
Sunday, May 6th, 2007
| |
7:11 pm - Taking praise, humbly
|
Of course if you insist on praising me, I gotta take it - humbly of course...
| Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP) | 
Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant.
Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving. |
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, September 18th, 2005
| |
8:23 pm - Lights and jokes
|
It's Mid-Autumn aka Mooncake aka Lantern Festival aka Pat Yuet Sam Mm today!
Bought EIGHT lanterns and EIGHT boxes of candles to use tonight. Would be a small affair but loads of open burning, heh heh...
Found some hilarious one (or two) liners on the net. Worth keeping.
1. You can do anything if you want it bad enough. That is why we see so many people who can fly. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
2. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Of course, so does falling down a flight of stairs. (Richard Doty, Washington)
3. Never say die. I've tried, and it doesn't actually make people die. (Tom McCudden, Durham, N.C.)
4. Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability. (Donna Lewis, Vienna)
5. Laughter is the best medicine, but in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
6. It takes a village to raise a child to hate all of the people in the next village. (Charles Star, New York)
7. The key to someone's heart is never lost; It's just that the locks were changed 'cause you're some sort of psycho. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
8. You have to learn to crawl before you can grovel. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
9. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you're probably the executioner. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
10. You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince. But he probably isn't going to be interested in some frog-kisser. (Amanda Richards, Palatine, Ill.)
11. True beauty is on the inside, where no one will ever see it. (David Iscoe, Washington)
12. One person can make a difference, if that person is, like, Bill Gates or whatzisname, the speaker of the House of Representatives. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
13. Aspire to greatness. But remember that no one ever assassinated a refrigerator repairman. (Bird Waring, New York)
14. Say not that honour is the child of boldness, nor believe that the hazard of life alone can pay the price of it; it is not the action that is due, but to the manner of performing it. You got all that? Me neither. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
15. Every failure is a step to success up a ladder that will eventually collapse under the weight of all those failures. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
current mood:  chipper
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
| |
1:22 pm - Entering God's House
|
After June 2-6, 2005, I hope to never look at the tabernacle the same way as I did before. Been sceptical of mountaintop experiences, but after church camp in GohTong Jaya... can only say that I was refreshed. FILLED. Giving another tune-up, with big pictures to help put things in perspective.
Have always loved the verse that David penned in Psalm 27:1
"One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple."
Also the verses in Psalm 84 -
"How lovely is Your tabernacle, O LORD of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and flesh cry out for the living God.
Even the sparrow has found a home,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts,
My King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
They will still be praising You."
And our speaker Wong San Tosh (learning to call him "Uncle San Tosh" ;)) introduced me to this verse:
"And let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them." (Exodus 25:8)
How God wants to dwell among His people, but cannot. Due to sin.
How the tabernacle was not introduced in Egypt (bondage and sin) nor in Canaan (immorality), but in the desert, with emphasis that it was a pilgrim journey for His people.
So many thoughts to ponder... Will add more later...
current mood:  rejuvenated
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, January 16th, 2005
| |
2:14 pm - The Heavenly Man - a review (first draft)
|
On the back cover:
The Heavenly Man is the intensely dramatic story of how God took a young, half-starved boy from a poor village in Henan Province and used him mightily to preach the gospel despite horrific opposition.
Brother Yun is one of China's house church leaders, a man who despite his relative youth has suffered prolonged torture and imprisonment for his faith. His account challenges any complacency about the situation in China, where international economic investment ignores the brutal fact that religious persecution is still a daily reality for millions. Instead of focusing on the many miracles or experiences of suffering, however, Yun prefers to emphasize the character and beauty of Jesus.
This astonishing book will form a watershed in your spiritual life.
My review:
Wasn't paying much attention when it was recommended to me twice - once by a friend, the other by a bookseller. Then a highly respected Bible teacher recommended it. Maybe I should read it. A friend gave it to me as a birthday gift. Whoa... okay, WILL read it. And again, the book was recommended by the full-time worker in my church. Yikes, another wake-up call! Finally, a momentous meeting on Wed (Jan 19) became the deadline for reading it. Am at page 293 now.
Highly, highly readable book. "Amazing" is an understatement of God's work in Brother Yun's life - how he managed to survive the beatings, the electrocution, the 74-day total fast, and WALK out of a maximum security prison despite authorities breaking his legs. So encouraged to read how God uses miracles and visions, but still a little intimidated by so much sacrifice and suffering. A little voice in me wonders if I can walk such a road - and prays that if it does become my path, that I will not shrink from it. Help me fear You and seek Your favour rather than fear man and seek man's favour.
Also a thought - should certainly think about memorizing not verses, but chapters of the Bible.
Other points:
- Appreciate the accounts from various people in the story, including the honest admissions of Deling, Yun's wife, of the hardships, her desires and resentment.
- Reviewers have compared the book to a modern-day version of the Book of Acts, but I find that the story reminds me more of the Gospel's treatment of Christ's suffering, speaking in a matter-of-fact voice on Yun's suffering, rather than treating it with pathos.
- The expressions used also reminded me about what C.S. Lewis wrote, on how Christians of today think that self-denial is one of the most important aspect of Christian life, while Christians of long ago would have said it was "love". Not so much of denying oneself of desire and pleasures, but to look to the interest of others. It was the same for Brother Yun, when he tells of giving up rations of bread and water, and tearing his blanket to aid others - the giving of oneself was told in a matter-of-fact way, the emphasis was on showing love, even to persecutors and the "undeserved".
This was originally written to register the book in www.bookcrossing.com under my ServinTime nickname for books in my permanent collection. Books which I give away, trade with, or accept from other bookcrossers are registered under "blurbren".
current mood:  mellow
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, January 3rd, 2005
| |
5:33 pm - Books, books and more books!!
|
There's sales in Gladsounds in Kompleks Yik Foong!
GOOD books going for RM1, RM2!!! I got a newly-revised Pilgrim's Progress for two bucks! And 17 RM1 books and another RM2 books. That's 19 books for RM21. Where to find??
Look under their "Christian Living" section. :P
Issued the alert (after a second of wait-have-I-done-all-my-shopping thought). In my excitement, started sms-ing people who were:
1) Christians in Ipoh or nearby and had transport to go
2) Remotely interested in reading
Stopped short when I came to the end of my list quickly. Only could find eight people, two who WEREN'T from my church in Batu Gajah. Make that nine (realised that Christina was eligible! :))
Kinda "poignant point" to illustrate how happy-in-isolation I have become.
Still, there are good points of being in the so-happening Ipoh - friendships seem easier to make (hmm... contradiction to the isolation thingie?).
Am VERY friendly with the Gladsounds girl, the lady who served me drinks in a shop today asked with a smile if I could actually read the small-print Bible I had on the table, and I always have a short chat with the fruit seller near my office...
Oops... rambling again. Kembali kepada tajuk...
Looks like I will have loads of books for potential presents and drop-offs for Bookcrossing (maybe at a church camp or some Christian function?). But mainly, am excited that I have so many books to read. Am really glad to grab (all for RM1 - gasp, exclamation mark, and splutterings of ecstasy) books such as Matthew Henry's Commentary from Acts to Revelation, "I Believe" by Alistair McGrath (spelling unsure) which is about the Apostle's Creed (been thinking of studying that or using that as a structure to do a holistic study on doctrine), a book talking about the armour of God (was sharing a little with Jee Seng last night, whatdayyaknow?), FOUR slim books explaining the various books of the OT, FOUR books about the Proverbs 31 woman (slim enough for a couple of short reads and a good non-intimidating gift to non-readers).
Thinking of drawing up a list for a "Books to be read for 2005" challenge. Part of the reason why I carted back one luggage-bag, two boxes, and six bags of books back to KL was that I knew I couldn't finish reading all of them and that the "scarcity" would make me appreciate and able to focus on the quality ones on my shelf. So that I'd read them and be able to exchange them with other great books on the waiting list.
Errm... oops?
But at least most of these new books are slim. Can slip them into by handbag and read whenever I'm free (so long as I still make a point to read Scriptures). Am thinking... hmm... what about setting aside one book for one off day of the week, or month?
Sigh... not that I have time after work. Still coming home late every night. Not that I don't enjoy what I did at night (dinner, Watchnight and overnight stay at Timothy and Seow Pall's place - where the gate is left OPEN during the day - on Friday; belated bible study with Shih Shih and Wen Hui and later with Herbert who joined us to drink Milo on Sat; and dinner with Jee Seng to plan for Ibridge, send telepathic messages to waiters at Marias and express Life-is-so-unfair indignance over our different adolescent study methods) but still... kinda tiring...
Thought I'd force myself to have a break tonight. NO ACTIVITIES. Erm.. but I haven't swum for a long time. Okay... just a swim and NO OTHER ACTIVITIES. But I won't be meeting Wan Ching on Thursday since I'm leaving for KL (again!) on Thursday early morning (not Wed night as earlier planned cos I still have bible study with Zen on Wed), so... SWIMMING WITH WAN CHING AND NO OTHER ACTIVITIES... but then, we'll probably be hungry after the swim.... and it's so great talking to her.... and I have some juicy stuff to tell her..... hee hee....
BUT I really, really MUST go back early. Still have chores to do that I've been postponing for weeks!!
Finish letter and get gift ready for Nico! Sign some cheques and pay bills!Get books ready to be Bookcrossed! Clean room! (Housewives must be really obsessive to be able to keep a house clean, I think) More laundry! Give my tired o' sofa a decent "upholstering"! AND my overtime claims!!!! (Sort newspapers?! Oh dear!!)
Arrrgh! Concentrate! Concentrate!!
There goes plans to learn crochet, finish knitting, scrapbooking, learn up MANDARIN THIS YEAR...
(Arrgh... have to clean up for tomorrow night's Bible Study with SS and WH, and learn up the memory verses... and read enough to PLAN for Wed night! Arrrrrrrrrrgh.....)
*london bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down*
Oops... almost forgot. Today's thought-for-the-day was a verse read at least three times on three different occasions, and I still don't know the answer (could be lack of reflection, though):
Ecclesiates 5:20 - For he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, because God keeps him busy with the joy of his heart.
What does it mean to "not dwell unduly"?
And more importantly, what is the "joy of my heart"?
Am thinking, the writer could also be sarcastic here, and imply that we are kept busy with vanities which have become joys of our hearts?
current mood:  excited, confused n'distracted
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, January 1st, 2005
| |
6:44 pm - Conversation with a friend...
|
Met an OLD friend in ICQ today...
Thought I'll copy down a portion of what I shared:
*start quote*
yup - I'm only beginning to get it... the who-we-are-in-God's-sight picture. Usually am so keen to rush to the altar and present OUR offerings, forgetting that it is not so grand. More awesome to just know whose presence we are in.
And to sit down and shut up. :P
And listen of course...
*end quote*
Since his site is on the net, no harm promoting it here (but mainly for me to remember where to look it up the next time): www.curtaintorn.com and www.smithworks.org
He also said:
If you're able to download and listen to mp3s, check out this site. http://www.stephenmayer.com/cwg
It's from a guy named Mark Virkler who teaches "How to Hear God's Voice"--Guaranteed. His site is http://www.cwgministries.org
P.S. Stephen, if you are reading this, I think Hebrews 11 is a great place to draw names from! :)
current mood:  content
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
10:02 am - This year: Draw NEAR to HEAR
|
"Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil." Ecclesiastes 5:1
"... let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." - Hebrews 10:22
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
"One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LLORD
And to inquire in His temple." Psalm 27:4
"My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
Even the sparrow has found a home,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts,
My King and my God.
...
For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
Oh LORD of hosts,
Blessed is the man who trusts in You!" Psalm 84:2,3,10-12
"Woe is me, that I sojourn in Meshech,
That I dwell among the tents of Kedar!
My soul has dwelt too long
With one who hates peace.
I am for peace;
But when I speak, they are for war." Psalm 120:5-7
""But others fell on good ground, sprang up and yielded a crop a hundred-fold." When He had said these things He cried, "He who has ears to hear. let him hear!
Then His disciples asked Him, saying, "What does this parable mean?"
And He said, "To you it has been given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God, but to the rest it is given in parables, that
"Seeing they may not see,
And hearing they may not understand."
"Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. Those by the wayside are the ones who hear; then the devil comes and takes away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved." Luke 8:8-12
"... because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their follish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man - and birds and four-footed beasts and creeping things." Romans1:21-23
"For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables." 2 Timothy 3,4
"I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and he will tell you things to come.
He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you.
All things that the Father has are Mine. Therefore, I said that He will take of Mine and declare it to you." John 16:12-15
It's like a Maths problem. Something is wrong, you'll have to start all over from the beginning.
Undo my years of living in Kedar and stop drowning/dulling my senses with ear-tickling pleasantries.
He has some things to tell me... Why is it that I cannot bear it?
New Year's Day. A time for resolutions. Still lack reflection, though. And I'd better learn to say less and hear more. (Lower the volume, press the mute.)
*How silently, how silently... the wondrous gift is given...*
current mood: quiet wistful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, December 30th, 2004
| |
6:36 pm - Feeling frayed....
|
Have you ever felt like you were sitting in the midst of swirling thoughts? You can only grab hold of a strand of thought, straighten it a little only to have to let go of it for more urgent or more important strands?
December Strands:
preparations for Singapore... timing of bus trips and buying tickets... dissapointment that Mama Mia was no longer showing... arranging for Sleeping Beauty instead...pressure at the thought that every off day but one will be spent in KL or Singapore... nothing left to really rest...
Dec 8 (KL) supper at mamak with father, mother, sisters and jessica
Dec 9-11 (Singapore)
- too tired to even recap here... hmm... let's see... knitting in bus (how fast time flies) shopping? book-craze, "coincidental" bump into Ah Poh and delicious lunch with her and her mom-in-law, baptism: touching and off-putting, conversations with LF, MF, a lady from MF's cell group who also went to Cambodia, meeting Rosalina Ooi's relatives at ballet... small world!
Dec 12 (Ipoh)
Working through the days until next off day when have to rush down to KL again. Finally found time to drop off car to be fixed before trip down. WONDERFUL mechanic lents his own much-superior-car for me to use. During lunch/wait for car, memorised "A time to every purpose" as still reading Ecclesiates. Perhaps I should start listing things to "be born", "die", "plant", "uproot", "keep", "throw away", etc... Dec 15 was first Bible Study night with Zen. Photostated material on the day itself, but spent a few days before worrying, fussing, reading, praying... "Chanced" on John 7: interesting take on having the right source, giving the right response
Meeting up with Wan Ching before Christmas and New Year. We each got gifts for the other! Yay! Offered to have a bible study with her too. Think it would be good for both of us. Should I use the same material as with Zen's?
Dec 18-19 (KL)
- visit to Mimi's place in Puchong. Struck and disturbed by Benjamin's huge religious pendant. Not very helpful then nor at Mimi's concert, but really professional show they put up. Just remember herding children to and fro, and wiping faces from the face paint. Wow... Angela is great on the synthesiser... "Johnny's Band" song still stuck to my mind. And the children were so very cute! Kinda surprised I managed to remember at least... seven names??
- touched at how Aunty Agnes and family, and Yee Ma and Yee Cheong are so supportive
- yummy Dim Sum!! :)
Temperature high over lack of food for potluck. Was genius to suggest Yee Ma's fryer to get the crab and sotong balls done. Wow! All 2kg of oil in that little thing. Why don't I think Mom will return the fryer immediately, I tease...
back to Ipoh...
Stress over supplements... frantic last-minute shopping (one hour squeezed between work and celebratory dinner with colleagues, and a oh-I-bought-this-earlier-for-Dad-relief)... stress!!!
Life-saving switch-off system... went to see Phantom of the Opera (8.30pm), back to office (11.30 to 1.15am of Dec 24), back to office again (10am to 12noon) and then drove back to KL after lunch
Squeezed in reading of Matt 1: Struck at the "play" of Life and Death - a baby born, and babies to die... the worship of the Magi, the purported "wish to worship" of Herod. How choices influence the future. In this case - bloodbath caused by Herod who was later defeated in death - his choice... and in the midst... Christ's "new" life on earth...
The light-and-shadows thought reinforced during quick lunch before leaving for KL - reading of Isa 7 (cross-referenced from Matt 1): Kingdoms predicted to fall - and the gift of a prophecy - of a new Kingdom...
Dec 24-26 (KL)
- First day "wasted" as arrived in evening. But entertaining ride down listening to the Phantom cassettes. Really echoes through me (dunno why) when the Phantom mourns that "I gave you my music, made your song take wing... and now, how you repay me, deny me and betray me.... he was bound to love you, when he heard you sing..."
As usual, the cinema crowd had a couple who rooted for Phantom and said he looked better,etc. Have soft spot for him (Erik, according to book), but instantly played Devil's advocate. Hello? We're talking of a guy who kills people? Who uses deception to get the girl? Who dwells in darkness? Then only, began the journey to understand Christine's choice. And according to the book, she did love Raoul already - they had "history". Movie brought appreciation to some parts of the song (can now visualise it), and the light-dark offerings of the suitors.
Christine's voice was beautiful. But dissapointed that her "teacher" was not at all outstanding in the movie. Kinda off-putting considering he's the Teacher. But great job on holding that note in his den when she's on the sofa/bed, though.
Preparation for dinner, with Mom coughing each time she tried to speak. So we ask Yes-or-No questions instead of "What should we do?" Suggesting if we should add butter to the mixed veg? Add salt? Cucuk-habis Mimi for lining the foil ABOVE the rack instead of under it (to catch the lamb's greasy droppings). Hah! Fryer borrowed from Yee Ma still there. :P
Answering "beeps" with Mimi for microwave oven (mixed veg, etc), broiler (drummets), fryer (sausages and fries), oven (for lamb! How could we not recognise that beep?!), asking each other questions and realising the other didn't know better (but ah, such fun repartee!), praying hard all the time that Mum would not need to suffer so much from the cough
Carollers came and food served - not memorable though.. except the crack between parents:
Dad: "Hmm... the dogs would love this bone (leg of lamb)"
Mom: "No.... RONNIE...."
:P - Of course faithfully repeated it to Ronnie and Sook Mun - great laugh over it. Again, impressed by helpfulness of Uncle Frankie, Auntie Agnes, Auntie Sally, Auntie Jane, Auntie Linda... (REALLY nice bunch of ppl we have)
- Simple and meaningful service in church, thanks to the good Dr.
Good talk with Auntie Sook Mun
Preparations for dinner with friends... "Christmas-themed taboo"...dinner, sharing in my room with Sean's candle...sharing by Michelle, Sean, Kitty, Radm, Eups, Chee Meng... understand them a little more, appreciate them a little more...
Christmas night... tried reading Luke's account but slept as soon as finished reading... no time for reflection...
- Sunday service
Julius on the gifts of the Magi - refreshing reminder: what we bring to God is a reflection of who we think He is. Eg. Sacrilege to many to give incense (present joss-stick?) to any human - only to God. Affront to give myrrh, bitter perfume for the dead. Greater appreciation for John Hopkin's "We Three Kings of Orient Are" song... "of gathering gloom... sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying..."
Interesting yet disturbing talk with Auntie LaiH, good talk with Auntie Sook Yuen (umm... did I just say YES to sharing to the youths about Cambodia?!)
Opening of presents (DYI sushi set, cool jacket, strange but chic bag, russian doll, pen), Ice-cream with Sook Yee, Ken and Joan, heard news of earthquake and tsunami, mysterious SMS by SV's press sec, practiced piano for at least two or three hours, treat family to shark fin soup and dinner in Cheras..., heard of Chin Wan's pregnancy, short call with her and Pio (how happy and excited they were!), couldn't leave family to meet up as was last night and we did come out together in the Unser... Interesting news: Mitat came to church with his girlfriend. I had just assumed that he left for Turkey... Of course didn't dare ask.
Came back home to help practice for Family Night...wish I could sing the melody for their "The Lord's my Shepherd"... Taught ourselves "Give me Thy heart" (only Pei Pei kept singing: "Give me My heart" :P ), practiced "Be Thou My Vision" but decided to replace it with "Break Thou the Bread of Life" as it had better parts, easier to remember too. Regretted for umpteenth time that I cancelled the Dec 24 - Jan 1 leave and couldn't go back for New Year...
Home (Ipoh)
- shopping, swimming, back to work (Tues:Bagan Datoh graveyard of ships- shocking scene but found self still emotionally detached, Wed:crime stories (cheating housewifes and elderly, arrest of two murder suspects), PMR results, Thurs:Lumut naval base hospital...
Kapow! Finally realised what Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 is talking about. Especially verse one. Re-reading it cos was sure there was something I missed, besides being impressed that the idea was to be careful when going to God's house but still to DRAW NEAR. Draw near to HEAR. Not offer sacrifice of fools (for they don't know that they do evil) - read it by rote, just accepting, yes, that we aren't always aware of our sins).
Think I know what this "evil" is.
Instead of hearing, what does the fool do? He TALKS. He makes empty promises, thinking that it will please God. But verse 4 says explicitly - NO, God doesn't take pleasure in fools. PAY WHAT YOU HAVE VOWED.
Lesson: Shut up! Shut up! The step to "improvement" is not to foolishly vow... But still understand the deep desire to make promises... draw up covenants... something like couples wanting to promise/make pacts with each other?
No Tuesday bible study with Shih Shih and Grace but met up with Kit Yee. Encouraging news of father, reminded that financial constraints are very real, and left wondering what ___ is. (Don't know what it is, and don't feel I should even name what I don't know. :P)
Had a fun and meaty bible study with Zen on "How do we know the Bible is the Word of God" - again Ecclesiastes clicked into place with Ecc3:14, 15 (I know that whatever God does, It shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it.) - IT'S PERFECT!! And the last verse to emphasize God's control of actions (mesh of history and future) and our responsibility for our own actions (again play of light and dark - His control, our control)... got a "satirical comedy" CD from Keng Yee (looking forward to hearing it!), finished Janet Evanovich's Three Up early this morning... feeling tired and bloodthirsty (suggested Risk) but friends only want to meet up for drinks (not feeling like I want to "share" anything though...) But do want to meet up. (As long as I don't have to do laundry and cleaning rooms, I'm fine! :P) Would do me good to listen to stories too.
A thousand thoughts... Talk about rambling on... :P
current mood:  exhausted
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
| |
7:10 pm - Good will to all men!
|
Today is a great day, thanks to at least two people, both of whom are strangers/relative strangers.
1. "nut" from Bookcrossing
who offered to give me "Silverthorn" by Raymond E. Feist - she even got a friend to pass her "Magician" so I get to read it before Silverthorn!! (Am amazed at her generosity and initiative - for a complete stranger!)
2. "Ah Choy" from Soon Tat/Sime Tyre service centre
who lent me his car to use because he would need a longer time to service and fix my car. His car is even BETTER than mine... and runs so smoothly... :)
Was conscious of not taking them for granted. Glad to tell nut that Chris also lent me Magician, and hope to find something she might like in return. And drove like a snail today. :P Even with six seconds left to the green light, I was slowing down already...
Also another thing to look forward to: the Christmas gathering at my house!! Bubbling with excitement - gonna meet up with friends, have a good time chatting, catching up with each other, playing games, eating the scrumptious food (hmm... still prefer ham to the turkey...)
Am feeling such good will to the general human race. :)
current mood: chipper
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
10:03 am - Call for help
|
A friend needs help. From her LJ, she seems really sincere and real. And now, in dire need. Please read this snippet and consider chipping in, maybe even just a $1.00. (Won't be much to us, but would mean the world to her.)
She's also asked if we could post it in our journal to spread the word around. I really DON'T think it's a hoax.
Posted by cleolinda:
I posted to my LJ about real emergencies like my Mum has a very rare cancer, her medical bills have bankrupted us and are still mounting (over $200,000) and to top it off my Dad may be out of work in a week or two due to outsourcing for the second time in four years. Then my Mum will have no insurance and no medical care to be sure she survives this cancer.
She loves to write but is stranded in bed due to chronic pain. She wanted a laptop for Christmas last year, but because her medical care is so high, after 5 surgeries in one year (insurance premiums, co-pays, deductibles, things insurance doesn't cover like 8 trips to Mayo Clinic this past year, hotels, gas, etc) we can't afford one. Not this year either! [...] I'm happy that people are kind and caring enough to help others but what about people like my Mum?
Her journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/cleolinda/
URL for the family fund-raising: http://www.4christina.org
Christina's journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/sapphsmum/
current mood:  worried
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, December 12th, 2004
| |
6:25 pm - Four down, two to go...
|
Opened my wallet in Takashimaya and realised that I had four unused bus tickets - signifying four more trips! (Sing-KL, KL-Ipoh, Ipoh-KL, KL-Ipoh). Felt a little tired just thinking of it.
Realised I *like* being the passenger - not having to be in charge of the situation - thinking about servicing the car, making sure the petrol tank is full, that I stay Awake and Alert during the journey - quite a relief to NOT have to take care of myself. And just trust... that I will arrive safely.
Oh well... four tickets down - all the way down and all the way up. Funny how I can spend time eating dinner with Lee Foon and think I know her better, and then spend two and a half days with her to realise I don't really know or understand her. Told her so too... Think our motivations (maybe brainwave?) might differ.
Appreciate her a little bit more but realise it's quite impossible to stick adjectives on to her... almost like grasping after the wind. Thinking back, we were comfortable with each other *most* of the time, but *sometimes*, I think we were just being (too?) diplomatic with each other - like figuring out how to help and please the other. Hmm... At least we both agreed we enjoyed $8.50 Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason more than $60 Sleeping Beauty ballet. :P Pretty amazing footwork but felt cheated when realised it was not the standard fairytale but those abstract arty stuff (eg. Four pairs of dancers to represent Perrault's characters and virtues such as curiosity, desire, etc. and the three women (some memory, some teacher-student relationship) to collapse into one woman??). And Sleeping Beauty woke up by the end of part two of three already!
Besides those baffling moments, can list:
High Point #1:
Bumping into Poh and her mom-in-law on the way to Tang's Plaza before parting ways with LF who had a business lunch. What a very very Pleasant Surprise. Kept thinking about it afterwards as a Treat from God. Both were delightful company, felt at ease and able to talk nonsense even, with Poh's mom-in-law. So glad to find out she is a believer too. :)
And lovely, lovely xiao long bao chi from the Jade Palace something .. :P (Fourth Floor, Takashimaya - highly recommended. Also two recommendations for Penang: Ayer Hitam curry laksa and char koay teow and...what was that road's name for Nasi Kandar.. Quentin Road? Queen's Road?? On the way to the jetty... aargh....)
High Point #2:
Breakfast with Mei Fong and LF. Really praise God for the way he has comforted and helped MF - even to getting her this job!
Was surprised everytime LF gave a generous time slot to shop separately - she for shoes, me to Borders and Kino :D - but turned out to be smart decision. Time with Poh and Mrs Tan senior took time from Borders but wouldn't wish it any different. Still, thought Borders looked more attractive to lounge in, but splurged in Kino. Sing $130 Kino, $30 for Borders (excellent excerpts from C.S. Lewis' books!!)
Low, Low Point #1: Baptism service in Wesley Methodist Church. Was privileged and glad to be a witness to MF's baptism, but also because I prized such a symbol, was really, really turned off at other things that happened then (not during HER baptism, which was why I was still standing in place and didn't leave). Touched that Kit Yee noticed, glad that she suggested sending emails to give feedback.
Low Point to High Point - stressed out thinking how to arrange transport for a daughter of church friend. No phones to call out. In the end, used LF's phone and called mom. Family did all the hard work. And I had a comfortable ride back with excellent company. Enjoyed the talk, surprised by one revelation (how could I not know this??), and had a good time with Chris after reaching Medan Gopeng.
All the knitting-headaches definitely worth the trip. :)
current mood: tired
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
| |
11:44 am - Crossing customs once a month
|
Will be taking a night bus to KL after work today. Then off to Singapore Thurs morning with Lee Foon. Woo hoo!!
Going to be a witness to Mei Fong's baptism. Am glad (and priveleged) that she asked me to come. :)
Since we are there, will be watching Sleeping Beauty (a ballet...8-|) the next night - most expensive seats since we are all the way there... Kit Yee the Good has bought tickets for us with her friend's credit card, but all savings will be blown since we are taking the Arrowline bus to Singapore ("a 5-star bus" - better be - it's a RM120 return ticket!)
That makes it the third country in a row for me. :)
Bangkok and Pattaya in THAILAND (Oct)
Phnom Penh and Suong in CAMBODIA (Nov)
Singapore (Dec)
Singapore (Dec - for cousin Teng Teng's wedding)
Better keep a close watch on my bank account, though... Another good reason for taking bus trips instead of driving back to KL (besides saving time and energy - which I'm appreciating the more I think about it).
Will be missing the extra night at home but then, if I *do* take night buses home, will get the extra night there... Hmmm...
current mood:  excited
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, December 5th, 2004
| |
5:15 pm - Taking up challenges and one good news
|
Good news: Will be starting a prayer group with Sasi and Zen. Glad we decided on the most-common-sense time of all. Half an hour before the worship service starts. (Which means 7.30am!!)
Also voiced willingness to give a one-to-one bible study. Sasi eagerly offered Zen. (Was thinking, what a great mom, to look out for her children like that.) So it's up to Zen, actually. Hope I can stay committed to the study. I want to. And I want Zen to want to too. (Sasi was also wearing kid gloves so her kids won't feel coerced into anything. Hmm... lessons in parenting? :P)
So that's two. Also played the piano a little bit last night after the barbeque with the youth group, and today, after the worship service. AND asked Wen Hui if she could teach me something about playing the piano by ear. When she asked for specifics on what I wanted to learned, mumbled something about picking out notes with my right hand and knowing what to do with my left hand. "I don't know what I don't know." She said "Yes." Woo hooo!!! (Also with a warning that she can teach me some basics, but a lot is experience. Hmm... what's that saying about calling mistakes "experiences"?)
Am glad for the caution Sasi gave me. That if we don't DO anything, we might just end up only SAYING how great the trip was and how we were inspired.
And I was inspired. A lot.
- Touched by examples of how the two pioneers were so giving of themselves (the same for Mr and Mrs Loh, now that I've met them).
- Seen up close the difficulties to hold on to Christ. How families can object and make life difficult. How faithful His people are who hold on and fervently ask others to help pray for them.
- Reminded NEVER EVER to complain about inconveniences and extra work when I really have it good - I've running water from taps, toilets that flush, washing machine, a car of my own to drive, and at home an automatic gate...
- Amazed and inspired at how people pick up skills and learn to pass them on. Annie playing on the keyboard, cycling to the market, Y_ who didn't have confidence to speak English now giving tuition in the language, and giving bible studies in Khmer in six months and preaching in Khmer in a year! A lot is God's grace, but a lot is also these people putting out their foot into the waters and trying to walk on water!
- Even cooking is a gift. Still an alien to the eagerness I saw in P_ and Y_ to cook, but can see how they offer hospitality that way. What a gift!
Perhaps the greatest gift of all I've received (besides the lessons, which are plenty food for thought) is Time. Time that people lavished on me. Most grateful for time alone with Annie and Y_ (visitations!!). Sweetest memories.
Made it hard for me to say goodbye. Especially when Sasi got teary-eyed too.
Thought to self during the trip - how some ppl's time can be so precious, while others seem to waste it away. I'd like to be in the first group - who use their time well, whose time and company is much coveted. Who gives it away in a meaningful way. By living well.
As usual, still approach life with a to-do list. And it is LONG.
1) Visitations (to show concern, be involved in people's lives)
2) One-to-one bible study
3) Prayer group
4) Pick up skills like speaking and writing Mandarin, playing piano by ear, cycling PROPERLY, cooking, knitting (getting it right and fast?), crochet (getting it RIGHT?), playing the harmonica (mobile?)...
An encouragement (Don't know how many times I've quoted to others what Annie told me): That I don't have to wait till I'm perfect. They have so little, that what little I have is still something to them. Not that I'm going back, of course... but still, skills which can be USED. I've been contented at being mediocre for too long.
current mood:  restless
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
| |
7:44 pm - The first question
|
"Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?"
John 21:15
Since coming back and answering questions on "How was Cambodia?", I've been sharing my reflections by drawing conclusions and underlining the lessons I've learnt.
Actually, that's the wrong way to approach the subject. Let me rewind the tape to the initial stages and walk the same paths again. Slowly.
It was a miracle that I could go. That I even considered going. But that's another story for another day.
Am now thinking of the last few seconds in the plane as it taxies towards the Phnom Penh International Airport. It's beginning to sink in that I have ELEVEN days in a land where poverty is real, where I'm as good as illiterate. Unable to even ask for help. Will be a dependant. Was I so arrogant to believe I could GIVE something? Again the thought: "What in the WORLD am I doing here??"
Slight difficulties get me praying. Swiftly turning to Him to cry for help. Praying HARD.
Close both their eyes and let us pass through with all the heavy boxes we have. Where's Zen's luggage, Lord? Help us find it. Yikes! I forgot to sign the declaration form. Please let the team look kindly on me. Why am I so absent-minded?? Please let the customs let us through. Who's coming for us? How will we all fit in the van?
In the van, was imagining a conversation between me and God.
"Do you trust me?" (*something like Aladdin offering his hand to Princess Jasmine*)
But the attempt was not successful. Don't feel that question coming from Him. Instead...
"Do you LOVE me?"
Wasn't that the first question the Lord asked Peter before setting him to the task of starting the church, taking care and feeding His lamb and sheep?
"Do you love me? Do you truly love me? More than these? More than ALL of these?"
I hear the rebuke. If I trust someone, might not go all the way across the world to him. But if I truly, truly loved him, what are distances but petty obstacles?
"Do you love me?"
Find the answer, and you find peace. Assurance. Of why I was there, of why I can trust Him that things will work out. Because I love Him. And He loves me. And loves many others who need to answer that question too.
The song ringing through my brain the whole time I was there, and still humming it here:
Day by day....Three things I pray...
To see Thee more clearly
Love Thee more dearly
Follow Thee more nearly
Day by day by day by day...
current mood:  loved
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
12:53 am - Torn between two journals
|
|
| Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
| |
11:46 pm - The boring version
|
Finished the one-page report and sent it off to be censored. Will be working next on the commentary next - the more lengthy and colourful piece. This is the short, dry version.
Attaching it here with blanks (in case they might expose certain parties and their work):
Summary of Short Term Mission Trip to Cambodia (Nov 19 -29, 2004)
At about 10am Cambodian time (11am Malaysian time) of Nov 19, seven members of Shalom 20, reached the Phnom Penh International Airport for a 11-day mission trip. They were Ung Kim Cheng (mission leader) and Chan Mei Lai of Burmah Road Gospel Hall, Tan Hin Oon and wife Poh Choon Huang of Bethesda Ang Mo Kio, Sasikala and daughter Zenushka, and Brenda Lim of Batu Gajah Gospel Hall. With them were boxes containing items such as cloth scraps for patchwork and used clothing for distribution.
Ninety minutes later, two members began teaching basic English to students in S____, an NGO centre for English and computer classes set up by XXX. A third member started her English class for advanced learners another fifteen minutes later. After lunch with full-time workers AA and ZZ, the team set off to visit a Korean missionary and his wife, who also ran an NGO centre and opened several assemblies in Cambodia. Evening saw a fourth member teach intermediate English in S_____. AA also briefed the team on local culture, language and customs, besides sharing about the work, its development and challenges since she and BB came as pioneering missionaries eight years ago.
Early next morning, the team set off on a three-hour journey to join BB and CC in G_____. Team members spent the weekend helping in the English Class Fellowship and the Sunday School, teaching songs and games and sharing their testimony to children and youths. On Sunday, Mr Ung gave a sermon to over ____ local believers, with BB interpreting. Tan also gave a communion message. The following day, team members, with BB, CC and several youths visited needy villagers living in M_____, listening to their stories and distributing gifts including toothbrushes, combs, soaps and used clothing. Each night, the group gathered for briefing and open sharing.
On Tuesday, the team returned to S____ in Phnom Penh. They resumed teaching English classes and visited a museum on atrocities committed under the Pol Pot regime. Team members broke into small groups to visit parents of the students on Wednesday, and distributed biscuits to children living in a settlement built at the city’s landfill.
A Bible camp for believers was held from Thursday to Saturday, with Mr Ung teaching on the Tabernacle, its items and their significance. Team members also helped with the cooking and rearranged library books. Besides sharing devotions and praying with the campers during the Quiet Time, team members also presented skits to illustrate the importance of spending time with God and His Word.
During the weekend, Mr Ung taught distinctives of biblical assemblies. Before his sermon on Sunday, Sasi shared her testimony and three members performed a mime to a song about being faithful to Christ. On the last night, members shared about their experiences and its impact to themselves. After a morning of shopping for souvenirs, six team members returned to Malaysia, waving good bye to local believers, AA, ZZ, CC and also Mei Lai who is to stay to help in PP for the first three months and G____ the following three months. THE END.
Additional notes:
1. Poh and I were the two caught by surprise. The moment we arrived at S___, AA said she needed two teachers to take the English Level One class. NOW. The only discussion we had time for was a whispered five-second one: "Which do you want? The children's group or the youth?" She chose the children. Which had me left with the youths. I was told to prepare to teach English songs. Didn't know it was in the context of an English class. And was totally confused when AA passed us the lesson plan for Level One - that they had to learn things such as answering basic questions about themselves, stringing a sentence together, answering phone calls... And my songs were too "childish" for 14-year-olds!!
2. Skits was by Zen and I. Yep, the mime was to the song "Find us Faithful". Got positive feedback, so hope that's a legacy for them over there too. It's amazing how each time we ask them for prayer items, the girls would say: "Please pray my faith - strong."
current mood:  thoughtful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
| |
11:04 pm - Still babbling
|
Just came back from prayer meeting. Tried to express the things I experienced, but it was exciting and frustrating at the same time (the effort to share from my heart).
Right before getting up to speak, felt that what I could say was just like a grain of sand compared to a whole beach of what I went through, saw, felt, heard, talked about, listened to, etc. Said that too.
Think I babbled. But one lady said she was encouraged by what I said, and another man said it reminded him of his trip over two decades ago to India (same experience) and his resolve to go back.
Have to do a one-page summary of the trip ("Just facts, no impressions") and prepare a piece to go with pictures - for a 45-minute commentary in Penang on February. Think I will enjoy that piece. As it will be more no-hold's-barred - a peep into the real hard life over there, and less concern for exposing stuff (which I feel, even writing here).
Even proud of the pictures I took over there. Always held a low opinion of my taking pictures, but hey... I did take some really great pictures there!!
Among my favourites: Mei Lai walking along the trail(foreground some golden plant/weed, background Munet carrying a box of gifts), a scruffy-looking boy eating a biscuit, and a little girl, who looks mature despite her small size, with a gunny sack slung on her back and her other hand holding a curved metal stick, presumably to help her scavenge among the refuse for things that might possibly be of value - to help her find her next meal, maybe?
Today - was reminded again and again of my absent-mindedness. Left out a package (including some money in it!) to hand over to a friend who met me at the airport. But in the end, good came out of it. Met a couple who greatly encouraged me - gave me more ideas and inspiration.
Left the place only to realise later that I forgot to discuss another matter with the man. And forgot to pass him some money that I intended to give to the work!! DUh...
Also, had planned to share the verse from Matt 16, but realised three seconds too late that I forgot to read it out. :P
Don't know if I was "stopped" or if it's just my absent-mindedness...
Sigh...
But oh, so many things to think about! So many skills to pick up/brush up!!
It's gonna be exciting! :)
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Monday, November 29th, 2004
| |
9:49 pm - From Cambodia to "civilisation"
|
From the youngest sister's laptop, in my younger sister's room in KL:
I'm back!! A trip to the toilet here has reminded me of TWO wonders of modernisation that I've taken for granted. Water that comes from the tap and a toilet bowl that can be flushed.
Above the sink-with-no-tap in Suong was this passage written on a piece of paper:
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works.
Matt 16:24-27
Good question. What good is it to gain the world but lose your own soul?
Didn't strike me so powerfully till I saw how much my two friends there had to give up, just being there. Didn't realise how the comforts of life was so built into my life that I had taken for granted as things that "should" be there. Like supply of water and electricity. Fans. Fridges. Taps. Handles to press/push after a visit to the toilet.
They didn't even have the "luxury" of silence, with neighbours blaring karaoke music for as long as their generators can last after the electricity is cut off. There's a warning switch-off, switch-on between 10 to 10.30pm but expect lights off at 11pm. As early as 5am, the music is back on. But of course, in between, the dogs get in their howling practice...
No power, no way of pumping up the water from the well to feed the pails for washing, cooking, etc. We left the dishes unwashed the first evening when there was a sudden black-out at about 5pm.
But learnt to appreciate water and ways of using it sparingly. Like dipping all the plates and utensils into a basin of water after soaping them. And praying that I wouldn't need to umm... donate a lot to Mr. Loo.
*interrupted by Dad to let my sister and friend sleep*
Will continue some other time. Good night!
current mood: contemplative
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Thursday, November 18th, 2004
| |
6:35 pm - Bated breath??
|
"For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears."
"For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have. For I do not mean that others should be eased and you burdened; but by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may supply their lack, that their abundance may supply your lack - that there may be equality."
2 Cor 7:5 and 2 Cor 8:12-14
It's close to 7pm and I must soon leave the office - rush home to pack and rush over to Batu Gajah to fetch Sasi and her daughter Zen. Will be flying to Cambodia for a 10-day mission trip, and I feel so stressed.
The whole day has been a nightmare. Wasted a morning waiting outside the court's lock-up, and then had to delay writing the "holdable" article for a JKR story requested by KL.
Keep telling myself to think positive. Things aren't as bad as they seem.
1) Chris' mom did my laundry.
2) Wong recovered a few of the pix so the 128mb of corrupted pix isn't all lost. AND I found out about the loss in time to buy two 128 CF cards for the trip.
3) Bought the travel insurance and some USD in time for the trip. Last minute, but hey, that's something. Not everything is unravelling into pieces.
4) Sasi offered to get dinner.
(hmm... harder to think of good stuff to be thankful for. :P)
and 5)... Already wrote the songs on mahjong paper and packed my clothes...
6)... ... Yeah!! Dumb as the assignment seemed to be, it turned out to be a scoop. And though I was scared of meeting with Datuk D., he IS a pleasant man and found that I could be quite natural with him. AND it's a SCOOP. :P
The first highlight of the day was reading the two verses. Felt it was so true... Didn't want to admit I was feeling worried or scared, but YES, I am.
"What in the world am I doing going to Cambodia? What can I do? What am I *expected* to do?"
As altruistic as I would like to think I am, was glad to be reminded that it is not "them to be eased, and me to be burdened" - despite the reminder that my "abundance" should be used to bless them.
I have nothing to give. I feel that. Am so stressed with work, so drained. And honestly? Don't know what they can "give". Only looking forward to meeting a familiar face in Annie, and expecting to be awed (and intimidated) by what she is doing there.
Conflicts outside (with to-do lists piling up) and fears inside (a vague feeling of dread - what if I'm not prayed over enough? What if I've not PRAYED enough? Am I up to what's in store in Cambodia??)
Surprisingly the next verse was about God, the God who comforts the downcast, who brought comfort in the form of Titus to Paul. Am I to be that to Annie?
(Funny how He keeps shifting my focus from being the giver to receiver to giver - maybe to throw me off balance - and somehow to maintain the balance of being both?)
Felt really stressed when I saw the Pangkor "new jetty" story rewritten (harsher than I would have phrased it, and it seemed to skew the story to give the impression that there are two ferries for two destinations - NOT true), and realised I had to delay writing the Riding for Disabled story (again!) for the JKR story. Threads unravelling. JKR guy doesn't want phone interview. Aargh.
If I have to write another "holdable story" while rushing for this and that AGAIN....
(Babbling... I'm babbling...)
FOCUS!!!
My comfort today is this: God accepts just the intention of the heart to be willing. He takes that, and accepts the package as it is. Not what I don't have. (*Pheeew!*)
Perhaps when I come back, I will be different. Perhaps humbler? (I hope, anyway. :P) To think twice before complaining of trivial things when I have life so good here? (Hee hee... KISS THE GROUND! KISS THE GROUND!!)
Perhaps I won't be changed much. (Have I really changed through all the past experiences?)
Perhaps it's just another exercise to always seek out the eye of the storm. To know there is a place of quiet in the midst of turmoil. Boy, I really need to find it.
Was cranky early on. Now just plain hungry. And still ticking off the things I have left on the to-do list.
current mood:  busy
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
blurbren's journal
quixotic